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Confessional

November 7, 2010

                                               

 

It’s 2 AM, I must be lonely, But I’m not. Tonight was a great night. It was my BFF Christina’s 22nd birthday and it was a blast. All of our girl friends went out to dinner and back to her place and had a huge dance party and WAY too much wine.  So what I walked home at 1 AM alone… I was happy.

Because I think I actually like someone. Not just a crush crush. I like a real man. I met him last weekend at a party. He is an alum from my school (C’06)! His friends (also alums) were playing a band party, and his sister is also a senior here. We met very randomly, one of those run ins where I was in someone’s way and we started talking and just clicked. We danced for hours, but not even grinding dancing. Real spin around hand holding dancing, where you hold someone close at the end of each song. When the night was over he kissed me. 

He stayed at my place that night. I laid out clear boundaries in his car on the way over. “I’m not having sex with you” I said. “Well, that’s very presumptious of you” he replied tauntingly then he kissed me. It was a wonderful evening. Even though nothing really happened, I could tell he was a great lover. I felt like we clicked.

Alas, it was time for him to leave the next day at noon. I walked him out halfway to his car. Then I said, “Bye now, I guess I’ll see you around.” AND I TURNED AROUND AND WALKED AWAY. Stupid move. Totally stupid move. He didn’t ask for my phone number, and I didn’t get his. In girl world, this means a boy doesn’t like you if he doesn’t ask for you number.

Since then, I’ve been OBSESSING over him. Replaying every moment in my mind. Then, I start to wonder if I’m only crushing on him because there’s nothing there. No contact info, and he’s not even on Facebook. Why didn’t I tell him to text me when he got home and then he would have asked for my number?? Why am I so weird and emotionally vacant? Because I completely shut him out, he thought I didn’t care and it was just a fling (I think).

UPDATE: I ran into his sister who I’ve never actually met. She came up to me in the bathroom at some party and said, “I think you and my brother hooked up. I’m sorry for his behavior.” Me – vacant look. Her “His name was John….” She proceeded to tell me that he was usually an asshole to girls and was REALLY surprised that he was a total gentleman with me. And the plot thickens…

So John Bates, If I ever run into you again here, lets run away together and move to Australia. You can be a kayak instructor and I can work for Australian Vogue. If I ever see you again, than its fate.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 7, 2010 9:36 PM

    Oh, I hope you see him again 🙂

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  1. Intimacy Issues « Mermaids & Macabre Blog
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