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How to Hook Up (Successfully) in Spanx

November 29, 2010

I’ve been wondering how girls hook up while wearing Spanx. After lots of thought, I decided to concoct a master plot to wear Spanx, look hot, and manage to pick up a guy.

1. Wear sexy underwear underneath your spanx.

2. Go out to your event in a hot dress looking uber hot. 

3. Pick up a hot boy.

4. Go back to his place/your place.

5. Say you have to go to the bathroom. Immediately strip off your Spanx, because there is sexy lingerie  underneath. Stash them somewhere, like in your purse/jacket pocked. Also, brush your teeth while you are in there. If your not at your place, wash your hands, and use your finger and steal some of his toothpaste.

6. Walk out and continue your hook up. He’ll be so drunk/horny he won’t even notice you suddenly gained 5 pounds while you were in the bathroom.


8 Comments leave one →
  1. November 29, 2010 7:48 PM

    HA! Awesome!

  2. December 9, 2010 11:03 PM

    Lol post! The Spanx question is one of those questions I think many women have had flash through their minds at some point, but you actually took to blogging about.

  3. December 29, 2010 5:55 PM

    Hahah, my roommate has had to deal with this so many times. Nice post!

  4. June 21, 2011 10:07 AM

    As a hot boy, I take great offense to your assessment that I, upon becoming drunk and horny, would be so oblivious as to miss a difference of five pounds. Knowing what a difference that makes to my 6’2″ figure—I’m on a diet and I’m keeping track of my weight—I can only imagine what it would do to someone smaller. It probably makes you look like a complete fatass, which is most likely why you’re wearing Spanx in the first place. To assume that any hot boy you somehow manage to lure back to your place would oversee such a difference when that difference is so obvious that you need to wear a special undergarment to achieve it is a derogatory generalization of hot boys everywhere. In fact, such a deceptive plan as you propose in this post is tantamount to rape. No self-respecting hot boy would ever sleep with someone as unaware of themselves as you, and tricking them into doing so makes you a rapist. When that hot boy wakes up next to a plump mistress to return to his classy life and his high-paying job, none of that achievement will counter the self-disrespect and depression he feels—not for days, even weeks. You have temporarily destroyed a life. Thank you.

    Additionally, if you’re so concerned about your appearance, why not put in the work and actually lose the weight? You’ll feel much better about yourself, you’ll save money on food (and Spanx), and you’ll even get to stop worrying about devising elaborate plans to conceal the truly heinous ugliness that you assume drunk hot boys won’t notice. And best of all, your truly attractive figure may even make him want to stick around instead of making a miserable, lonely trip back to his Manhattan apartment. Even if he’s a douchebag and decides to leave you after one night, at least he’ll drive away knowing that he fucked someone who looks damn good instead of some mere pretender. You’ll know it too, and you’ll feel great.

    • Elleona permalink
      November 6, 2012 1:26 AM

      Okay first off mister “hot boy” even thin women wear spanx. Secondly what makes a guy hot is not just his looks its a good personality which you clearly lack. The guy who dose not view himself as “hot” and has a great personality is truly hot. Not to mention since he isn’t “Shallow Hal” like you he probly knows a lot of women wear spanx because its a fact just like the corset used to be the way to go. The guy who understands that and is more interested in a woman’s personality is far far hotter then you could ever wish to be.

    • annie permalink
      March 30, 2013 10:39 AM

      This idiot must be making a pathetic attempt at humour! I cannot believe that someone would be so shallow… 5 pounds, really?? you really think that makes a difference?! Girls, he’s trying to get attention (just like I am giving him now, but for a good reason).
      “Hot Boy” if an extra 5 pounds (on you, or someone else) would ruin your life you must not have much to live for! I actually feel very VERY sorry for you.

  5. Withheld permalink
    June 4, 2012 2:04 AM

    ^^You think you’re a “hot guy,” really?

  6. Anonymous permalink
    November 27, 2012 8:33 AM

    Do you think that there’s a marketing opportunity here? Perhaps Spanx would consider making an “opening” that would enable hook-ups or even bathroom breaks easier…
    As a “hot guy” myself, I’d be content even if my date kept them on as she came out of my bathroom.
    With the new “opening,” I’d say “Thanks Spanx!”
    Hmmm… Not a bad name…

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