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There’s a light bulb dangling from string

February 27, 2011

This weekend was very eventful. There was drama, there was sex, there was passion, there were revelations, there were apologies, and there were two crazy drunken nights out with friends. My entire weekend is too much to sum up in one post, but here is the main thing.

Loverboy is flirting with bisexuality/might be gay. 

Several people told me things like this during the weekend. At first I thought it was just to make me feel better, but most of these people aren’t my real friends and have no motives to make me feel better. Last year when we were hooking up, he told me that he had kissed a boy who was his good friend. At the time I didn’t think anything about it, but now I realize that might have been an indicator.

Last night I stayed over with one of my friends. He told me that he was sure that loverboy was gay. He said, “If you just watch him interact with gay boys, it’s obvious that he’s gay too”.  He made me feel so much better by making me understand all of this, and he made me realize that guys here like me and find me attractive. He made me realize that I made loverboy feel appropriately horrid for what he’s done to me, and that what happened that night (me sobbing on the ground hopelessly as everything crumbled apart) makes any guy feel horrible.

While I know my evidence is not ironclad, I’m pretty sure that this theory is correct. 

Regardless of whether  I still have feelings for him  or not, (I think I don’t anymore) I feel happy. I know that nothing I can do will change his mind about me. In the land of break up cliches, its not him, its me. Parading around in sexy outfits and going to his fraternity will do nothing for me. Weirdly, I’m happy about this, and not distraught. Everything is out of my control and I am moving on. 

Strangely I feel flattered by all of this. Loverboy has never had a serious girlfriend, and he doesn’t really hook up. So to be one of the few girls that he liked is weirdly complimentary. Now I understand his conflicting behavior the whole time we were (semi) together. 

This weekend gave me the motivation I need to move on. Right now I feel calm and alright with everything that has happened, and even kind of happy. Hopefully, this feeling lasts.

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