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Transferring Feelings

March 8, 2011


I’ve realized that I do weird thing with boys I like. Instead of getting over boys I like/liked, I inadvertently start crushing on someone else, and just transfer my feelings to the new guy. Case in point with Loverboy and new boy (Let’s call him Mark for fun).  

Mark and I had a fun weekend together, and he helped me get over Loverboy, and told me that Loverboy was gay. I’ve had a little crush on Mark for a while, we’ve had a few classes together, but have both been in relationships, wrong timing etc. Two weeks ago, things finally happened and they were amazing. We did things you don’t do with a two night stand. No normal people read their favorite poems and listen to their favorite songs the first time you hook up right?? Then, there are other things, but I can’t really talk about them.  The next night he came to my srat house to see me and we went home together. It was a great weekend.

So now I think I like Mark a lot, even though I never see him around campus/ever. Actually I lied I’ve seen him twice in ten days, but he didn’t see me because I’m stealthy and did my awkward walk away really fast manuever. I sent him a generic facebook message about a school question and got no response. Maybe he’s back with his ex-girlfriend, I have no idea.

I don’t think I like him as much as I think I do because I’m transferring feelings. Sure, he’s a lot like me and fun, but there are lots of cons about him. CONS- still hung up on ex-girlfriend (who in my opinion is horrible to him because she cheated on him twice!) he corrects my grammar constantly, and I don’t trust myself when I’m with him, and I lose all control. 

In this cycle of transferring feelings, I never really get over people, I  get heartbroken and then move on to someone else without fully being over the previous person. Any leftover feelings get moved to the new person, and then there’s so much more heartbreak than is necessary when the new fling/love connection doesn’t work out. 

So, who knows if I actually like Mark or not? I’m way more in like with him than I should be. Luckily, I don’t make and idiot out of myself/ don’t admit how much I like him to my friends because I would just come off as obsessive and crazy. I’m just mildly infatuated and transferring my feelings about, which makes for an interesting combo. 

Is this normal behavior or am I totally off the wagon with this one???? Also, any Mark advice?

4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 8, 2011 6:16 PM

    I have the same problem. I think I use guys as a distraction from the greater issues of life and get too emotionally involved. Not the case with the current “situation” though.

    On another note, I met an intriguing French dude this weekend, although he left for Miami for vacation and lives in London so it probably won’t go anywhere.

  2. KendallRocksOn permalink
    March 8, 2011 6:24 PM

    Hi Lexi,

    I’m just a Twitter follower who’s apparently reliving college vicariously through you, but hey, we all have to get our kicks somehow. Anyway, maybe I can give something back by offering my two cents of advice here. First of all, you’re definitely not alone moving from crush to crush, so don’t feel bad about it. I think it’s our way of sorting out who eventually works for us long term and keeps us driven to stay in the market with all the craziness and crappiness until we find them. For most women who are picky, I think it takes time to find the right person and the space before will have a mix of beautiful and tragic experiences.

    Second, beautiful and charming though he may be, Mark is trouble as currently described. The constant grammar correction thing is a big warning flag to me that either he’s setting himself as above you in the relationship (perhaps subconsciously) to take control, or if you’re lucky, that he’s not as much into you as you are into him (true infatuation tends to make us overlook the flaws of our object of affection). The hang-up he has with the ex makes me think it’s probably the latter, and it sounds like he might be using (or may have already used) you as an emotional dumping ground/rebound to get over her rather than as a legit love interest. Either way, I think it’s setting yourself up for an imbalanced relationship should things continue with him right now. My advice would be to back off. If he’s real quality, he’ll adjust and reach out to you next, or somebody better will come along.


  3. March 11, 2011 12:28 PM

    In my experience, boys who you can’t trust yourself to be around are dangerous. They’re oh so fun to be around, but things will usually turn out messy.


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