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Sparing Feelings

December 21, 2011

Remember this post about how I ended a three year friendship with Caroline? Unfortunately, the bitter memories of those events are still fresh in my mind. Caroline has reached a new low on the scale of what an awful person she has become. I don’t know if its apathy or general horridness, but there is no excuse for her behavior. A few days after our epic “non-fight” I sent her a pretty curt message asking her to mail me my BCBG bandage skirt that she had borrowed from me in May. Also in that message, I said to let me know if I had anything of hers and I would gladly return it.

Fast forward three weeks later. I haven’t received my skirt in the mail or a message from her. So I send another message coldly demanding my skirt back. It wasn’t even because it was an expensive skirt, it was because it was one of my favorite pieces in my wardrobe. Unsurprisingly, she never sent my skirt back.

I think this is a testament to the type of person she is. If I had something of a former friend and they requested the item back, I would gladly mail it to them or drop it off at their house, regardless of how much I hated her or if I actually wanted to repair our friendship.  If I truly hated the girl, I would return her things so we would have no reason to ever contact each other again. If I wanted to try and fix things, I would have returned the skirt along with an apology and an acknowledgment of her anger/hurt, and said that I would call her in a month so we can talk.

I’ve noticed an alarming thing over the past few years. Unlike most people, I respect people’s boundaries and feelings. If I was invited to an event by someone else at a jilted lover’s house or fraternity, I would obviously decline out of respect for people’s feelings. Others seem to have no such qualms or sensibilities about things like that.  Other situations like this arise, and I often see others doing the wrong thing and they merely cause a spectacle or it leads to lots of drunken screaming or tears.

Obviously I don’t mean that we should avoid every event where former boyfriends or friends will be in attendance, just that we should have some decency and consideration. For some bizarre reason, some people like to invite former significant others to their wedding. Etiquette dictates you must decline; however, some people still show up to their ex’s wedding and cause tension and possibly cause problems.

It’s quite interesting how writing out feelings can take you on a journey. I started out to complain about Caroline, and show how to carry yourself with dignity in the midst of breakups or betrayls. Somehow it ended up on a rant about instead of sparing others’ feelings, instead some choose to spar with other’s feelings, almost in a strange mind game to hurt them even more than they already have.

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