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Found Relics of Old Lovers

January 13, 2012

As a general rule, writing a love letter or a hate letter to a former significant other or lover is a good idea. Actually sending that letter to them is a bad idea. I’ve written hundreds of these letters, but I’ve never sent a single one. Instead I shove them into my desk drawer, and then have a good laugh when I find them months later. I can’t even imagine how much of a psychopath I would seem like if someone actually read one of my letters intended for them.

Do you want to know what’s even worse than recieving one of these letters? Receiving a mixed CD where your former boyfriend has recorded himself singing a slightly rewritten version of “I Will Survive” and Bob Dylan’s “You Ain’t Going Nowhere.”  “I Will Survive” was a strange choice, especially since I never tried to get back together with him after we broke up. I took “You Ain’t Going Nowhere” to be a commentary on how I was going to be a loser, and I would never amount to anything without him. It seems like quite a bit of thought went into this compilation.

I was cleaning out my room and found a box of college stuff. In this box was a CD case, and I got really excited thinking it was my missing Tom Waits Closing Time CD. Instead it was a mix with my name carved very angrily into it. I popped it into my MacBook, and found it was a mix an old boyfriend had made with all of our songs. I was enjoying the nostalgia until the last two songs of him singing came on, and I realized he had spent time recording these songs and a piano accompaniment.

To up the creepy factor, I have absolutely no idea how this CD got into my possession. I haven’t seen him in almost two years. If he had mailed it to me, I would have listened to it the moment I received it. That only leaves two options:

1.  He was at Sewanee one day unbeknowst to me and several other of our mutual friends. He found out where I lived and slipped it into my desk, hoping I would find it later.

2. He gave it to one of his friends and had them put it in my room.  His friend’s girlfriend lived in the same building as me, so that could be another plausible solution.

The whole thing was really strange to me. It also didn’t help that I found it right before I was going on a date, which freaked me out as some sort of sign that I shouldn’t go on this date. (PS- the date went alright, but there was no chemistry, so I won’t be seeing him again.) It has been almost two years and according to mutual friends, this guy still isn’t over me. He still texts me on occasion, but I never respond. Any communication with him would be misconstrued as I still have feelings for him, so its best for me to never respond, not even to tell him to leave me alone.

Writing out your feelings about someone or singing them to cliched songs (Gloria Gaynor, anyone?) is a thereaputic way to heal. However, when you send these to former flames, you are opening yourself up to ridicule, especially if you have to go to devious lengths to do so.

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