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Ineffable

September 6, 2012

Today I ended my pseudo relationship  with an index card left on his car.  All it said was “I can’t do this anymore. I’m starting to like you too much. xx.” I kissed him hard because I knew it would be the last time and I felt my heart breaking during it.

He still loves her, and I can feel her presence when I’m with him. She is a spectre who haunts him.  I can never compare to her and her ethereal red hair. I hate feeling inadequate, and that’s the only way I ever feel anymore.

As much as it hurts, it was the right thing to do. He’s starting to pull away from me slowly, as we go a few days without contact. I could feel the inevitable ending coming, so I ended it first to give myself the upper hand.

I’ve been listening to Lana Del Rey’s Dark Paradise and Summertime Sadness on an endless loop.

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