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Ineffable II

October 8, 2012

I left an index card on his car ending things, but then I wondered if he would even see it. It was a windy day, what if it blew off his car? What if it blew off as he was driving on the freeway? Then, an equally awkward situation popped into my head – he told me he was taking his car to get something fixed, and what if the workers at the auto shop had to give him that note. Or maybe he’s simply glad its over and that I gave him an out. Of course I can’t exactly call him up and ask him.

He texts me the next day, causing a haze of confusion. “I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore. I don’t want anything serious right now,but I really like you.”  In my experience, I don’t want anything serious means I don’t want anything serious with you; however, brother has different ideas. He (wrongly) interprets it as “I like you but I want to take it slow”, which is the same discussion he and his significant other had at the beginning of their relationship.

A strange amalgam of emotions came over me – I was relieved, I was angry, I was glad. I gave him an out, and he wouldn’t take it, which really annoys me. So I did the only thing I could think of – give him another out. I responded to his text after agonizing hours telling him I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and to call me when he got back from New York.

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